Kia ora whanau,
Reflecting on the journey toward hosting my first Sacred Healing Circle, and I’ve been reminded once again of the intricate dance between vulnerability and strength. Despite being accustomed to public speaking, and having hosted numerous group workshops in other areas, stepping into the realm of group energy healing felt deeply personal to me and required a different kind of courage.
In the week leading up to my gathering, I expected to feel reassured by the event filling quickly with a waiting list of eager souls wanting to join us. But instead, familiar insecurities and fears began to surface: impostor syndrome, the fear of not being enough, memories from my childhood of longing to fit in, and there was the inner conflict of wanting to “prepare” and rehearse for an occasion which called for me to simply “flow”.
Then there was the internal battle of authenticity, with conflicting fears of appearing too spiritual or not spiritual enough, too Māori or not Māori enough. I worried about how I would be perceived and accepted by others.
Perhaps the weight of past life wounds added another layer of complexity. The irrational fear of being judged and persecuted for my spiritual beliefs, being “burned” once again lingered in the background. A reminder of the courage required to step into this space. I found myself repeating the words, “I am safe… I’m not going to die this time,” with a touch of humor to lighten the heaviness.
To navigate through these swirling emotions, I turned to my creativity as a lifeline. I poured my energy into crafting a ceremonial talking stick (or Spirit Stick). I infused it with the intention to unlock the throat chakra, allowing words to flow freely and dissolving the barriers of self-consciousness. Little did I know its impact would extend far beyond myself, becoming a vessel for truth and authenticity within The Circle.
Despite this processing, I still grappled with the fear of being seen in all my light. I felt exposed and vulnerable. During this time, my husband and soulmate was my rock. I would shed tears as I dug deep and gave myself space to feel everything, listening to the messages my body, heart, and soul were conveying. Leaning into the discomfort and speaking into it all, a soul sister and fellow healer also became a witness to my journey, reminding me of my power. Many healers have stood where I am now.
As I awoke on the morning of the event, a sense of calm washed over me. I had surrendered control, and felt at peace not knowing how it would all unfold. I trusted that I was being guided and held in this sacred process.
Prior to people arriving, nerves danced within me. Stepping into meditation, I called upon my team of light, and ancestors for guidance. In that moment, I felt their presence, a profound sense of connection and support. Their hands gently placed upon my chest filled me with a sense of calm, knowing, and purpose.
As the day unfolded, everything fell into place effortlessly. I stood in my power, embracing all facets of my being, and I was met with love and acceptance. I became a powerful channel for healing, and holding space for everyone there.
As the talking stick made its rounds within the circle, I witnessed the transformative power it offered to each person who held it. It became a conduit for truth, a beacon of authenticity in a space where vulnerability was not only welcomed but celebrated. This paved the way for a truly beautiful and transformative experience not just for the attendees but also for myself.
Leaning into discomfort and vulnerability is essential. It’s through consciously allowing the whirlwind of emotions to pass through us, without dwelling there for too long, that we find our true strength. By looking in the mirror, and moving through these feelings, we can accept all facets of ourselves. This journey of self-acceptance and courage is what ultimately allows us to stand in our light and share it with the world.
Love your light,
Kylie Fleur